Web Punks

The Internet has created a whole new breed of people. And it's not the kind of people most of us care to know. Most people call them trolls, but I like to call them Web Punks. I suppose the text message world would call them "WP's."

Web Punks come in all shapes, sizes and ages. They are all over the world. Lurking. Waiting to attack. No one is safe. For the dreaded WP will pounce on anyone, anywhere without reason - except their own twisted satisfaction. The Web Punk's appetite is truly satisfied when it verbally attacks its innocent vicitims in Internet forums and boards.

These are usually the sort of people that would never think to speak out when encountered face to face. So, yes, most (if not all) Web Punks are wimps. Perhaps we should add another 'w' to it. WPW. Web Punk Wimp.

If by chance you have never encountered one of these annoying little pests, let me explain of how the Web Punk operates. In a forum, users go by names that sound like a throwback to the days of the CB radio craze of the '70s - nicknames like WiseMama... ShyGuy77... SoccerNut... CrazyEyes... and BoobLover38. Most of these people are just regular people looking for some good conversation.

But you can almost always figure out who the trouble-makers are by the nickname they choose. Names like MrRightKnows, ToughGuy66, SuperPoster and SmartDude01. As soon as you see names like these, run, don't walk, run from your computer.

Let's see. With names like those, these people are likely to fit one of the following categories:

1. A woman pretending to be a man who learns everything she knows by watching Oprah
2. A man pretending to be a woman who learns everything he knows by watching Dr. Phil (How's that working for ya'?)
or
3. A 5-foot tall, 5-foot wide man with a comb-over, Hitler mustache and an evil little laugh

Here's the scenario: You post a comment about your favorite football team, and along comes WonderBoy54 with a reply like, "You don't know what you're talking about! And where did you learn to spell? Your team is a bunch of girly boys." When they provoke you to respond to their witty comments, the Web Punk gets stronger.

What do you suppose would happen if we locked all of the Web Punks in a room together for a day? Probably nothing. You see, they lose their super powers as soon as they lose their masks - or, in this case, their keyboards.

It's kind of sad that these people have to hide behind their keyboards. It's almost like an illness.

Someday, I believe there will be special Web Punk Support Groups (WPSG), and friends and family will conduct interventions. I'm sure Oprah and Dr. Phil will do entire shows about it - "Web Punks Come Out of the Closet... next Oprah."

Please. Do your part to help cure a Web Punk today. Next time you encounter one of these poor, unfortunate souls, just smile and tell them, "I feel your pain."